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I'm searching for something... // -->

Sunday, May 29

A day of hardwork.
Finally could rest my leg after standing and walking and persuading and whatever for so long. Think it was still not bad for the sales. But it's not the profits nor the hours that matter i guess. Had fun being a lousy news reporter recorded by ber. Haha whereby i'm offered drinks and many hands streaming across the video here and there. And i got my hair sprayed orange and it was such a "GREAT" attempt my charissa who made my head looked as if it bled a lot. Hah. hardwork hardwork. Hope good profits also la.

but got a little down after that becos of a phone call. Duh.

and also a little further down later on.. =/

oh well. it always hurts in the end. boo.

Heli Dont ask me why 12:05 AM

Saturday, May 28

An Jing
Trapped feelings, trapped thoughts. You slowly allow me to walk away, and when i turned back to look for you among the crowds, you're gone. I'm left hanging on nothing, for nothing. I stood there and watched the train moved pass and i heard you whispered goodbye. A goodbye in silence that relieved my heart from the past moments of anxiety. I wished it was never meant to be this way. But the truths had washed away my dreams. What i'm left with..

..are just uncertainties.

"xi wang ta shi zhen de bi wo hai yao ai ni wo chai hui bi zhi ji li kai."

Heli Dont ask me why 11:24 AM

Thursday, May 26

Monkey Day
Felt so weird having to go thru a thursday like a monday. But anyway it feels more like the last day of school cos of the madness with the peeps at junction8 today. While we're suppose to have gp lecture, we ended up drowning into some madness today. Haha almost laugh out of breath.

And tomorrow is realy the last day of semester and phew. So what. Hols meant more studying. Darn it. Last two nights have been so blur. 2 nights ago spent like half an hour looking for my CD player remote control before i lie on bed. THEN another 15 mins looking for my air con remote control before sleeping. Funny i seem to experience shorter than short de short term memory.

Allow me to introduce myself. I'm brown monkey.

"monkey. I'm ms monkey. i had nobody for all my own."

Heli Dont ask me why 10:18 PM

Wednesday, May 25

Borrringgggggg.
days in school lately are so boring. dear yuting hasn't been with us for nearly 2 weeks and we're missing her dearly. we missed her sweet voice awfully especially her echos and groanings for food. we missed her entertaining actions such as bouncing down the grand stand and rolling to the small gate as if her best friend is chasing behind her. we missed her presence during lectures sleeping away. WE MISS YOU YUTING.

*PS: the above mentioned are truly meant for entertaining purposes. Please do not take them for real. Thank you.

Heli Dont ask me why 11:19 PM

Saturday, May 21

for once. i think i'm really upset with you.

Heli Dont ask me why 12:57 PM

Saturday, May 14

to all whom i've bugged recently on bike... ...

I'VE BOUGHT IT. *winks*

Ironhorse - Maverick Comp.
(will post it up when i've taken a nice pic of it.)

oh and if you're wondering what's my dad reaction...

@#$^&@#%$%$#&^*&**

okie maybe aint that bad just..

@#&^%$#^

yup. and i really kept my cool and i really sounded like a mouse. so.. lastly i just wanna say...

i love my bike. =)

Heli Dont ask me why 10:13 PM

Thursday, May 12

The Amazing Race
things do screw up. just like rob and amber.
conflicts do happen. just like ron and kelly.

and.

mircales do happen. just like uchenna and joyce.

and to add what nandwani said..

"don't cry as the race has yet to begin. cry only if you're defeated after it."

Heli Dont ask me why 12:24 AM

Tuesday, May 10

Everybody's screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I want to start this over again
So I try to hold
On to a time when
Nothing mattered
And I can't explain
What happened and
I can't erase the things that
I've done
No I can't

*it may all be just words. but words can be a powerful tool. just like it can heal, it can kill too.

Heli Dont ask me why 11:48 PM

Saturday, May 7

lacking behind.
i finally realised how tiring it is to follow. to follow so many people, and i'm always trying to catch up, always trying to stay beside or at least, just behind.. for fear of being left behind, for fear of getting lost in the middle of nowhere. its hard to catch up and discouraged to see the gap widens and feel small. it's worse when all i can do is keep it all silently. because i'm afraid..

afraid of what will happen next. =/

*a smashed mirror of myself by the work of my fist.

Heli Dont ask me why 11:51 PM

*missing it already.
kinda miss cycling suddenly. returned the bike already. (ha thanks zhiwen for lending me so longgg. ) so perhaps no cycling till i get myself a bike. browse thru many pics of road bikes, nice but not within reach. haha. hmmm cant wait cant wait!

i'm glad things turned out this way. at least isn't those situation i don't know how to react after that. yup leaves things cheerful for the time being at least. =)

Heli Dont ask me why 12:21 AM

Thursday, May 5

this is a lousy week. i can't explain how messy i felt everyday. those different emotions i had to deal with. i've been waiting for a good chance to really sit down and let my thoughts flow. here i go.

3rd of may
i wanted to visit her after school. but i didn't. because i was scared to see my dad or my brother or anyone there. i'm not willing to disclose the fact i still miss her that much. yes it's a that much that i cannot explain.

i went back to our old house and the flashbacks all came back. i could see her alive and walking, and i saw how i neglected her in the past... but i know they are just illusions. how i missed her. ='/

4th of may
they asked me to act and its so similar to what happened 4 years ago. i didn't cry out loud and all i see was just scenes at the hospital, and i'm really captured in that moment in black and white, despite the talkings going on, all i heard was silence.

i know all these ramblings aren't new to some of you. i don't know how many more years i can continue saying the same things over and over again. the truth just brings me to tears. i don't know how to talk to them anymore. it's just those question and answer conversation if you understand.

"i know this is the 3rd time on this special day that you're not around. i will keep counting till the day i'm not around. i will always remember the phone call many many years ago.. the call that you asked me just to wish you a "happy birthday". i will always remember you. mummy.. shen ri kuai le...i miss you.."

Heli Dont ask me why 4:51 PM

Tuesday, May 3

at times when i do certain things, different people have different perspectives about it. some might agree totally with me, some might think i'm being stupid, but it doesn't matter really. i won't care a single bit.

i believe in doing what i think is right. and i want to do what i think is right.

Heli Dont ask me why 12:14 AM

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